On being me: Things I learnt from mom

Mom- a wonderful woman, full of life, a woman who worked hard all her life, who I never saw much of while growing up- a woman who shaped my life in ways I never realized.

Here goes:

1. Always believe the good in other people.
2. Treat others as human beings no matter what their race, color, religion, status or living conditions.
3. There is a Higher Power- call Him what you like. Say a little prayer- not particularly to any one ‘God’ but to the Power there.
4. Be kind to others.
5. Books are great teachers. It is Okay to get lost deep in a book and not look up till you are done.
6. Girls are no less than boys.
7. Keep a good sense of humor.
8. Women need to be strong.
9. It is OK to be affectionate. It is OK to feel hurt.
10. It is OK to fight- as long as you make up.
11. Always standby friends.
12. All kids have great potential.
13. Do not be superstitious.
14. Women can help other women.
15. It is OK not to be ambitious.
16. It is OK to be generous.

Mom never preached, always taught by example.

Good in other people: Well- she always found something that was good in everyone- no matter what. There was always a dish someone cooked well, a dress they looked great in, had a talent that only she could spot and point out. She made people feel at ease and good about themselves.

Treat others as humans- right from the rickshaw puller who got her home on true Indian summer afternoon- all sweaty and exhausted, to the poor man who came begging at the door. She never gave them extra money- but she always offered food and cold water. I do not recall anyone turning away from our door without a glass of water.

Ahh- her best gift- the belief in a Higher Power, a belief that encouraged me to see the good in all religion and respect them all. A belief that makes me feel humble whenever I see a church, mosque, gurudwara, synagogue or a temple.

Books- oh she just got this totally engrossed look on her face. She just laughed when I stayed up through the night as a teen, finishing Gone With the Wind in a less than two days! Later she told me she had done the same. She introduced me to some of the most sensitive writings – from the regular Western classics to the wonderful Indian and Urdu literature to the works of Pearl. S. Buck. She taught me that it was OK to go so deep in to the characters that you cry and laugh with them.

She taught me that it was OK to be so mad and then just catch the humor in the situation and laugh. Something that I thing I forgot to do along the way. I forgot to laugh at myself. I was much happier when I burst out laughing in the middle of an argument [:)]

Yes, women need to be strong- so what if her dad passed away when she was not even out of her teens leaving behind several younger siblings to fend for. Just took things in her hands to start earning and send money back home. So what if she lost her most loved child, her only son, in a freak accident? She did not give in and cry. Did she forget? No.

It is OK to love with all your heart without looking for returns.

For her it was natural to love all children. I mean all children- as her own. Did that make me jealous? You bet!

Be generous- give the best you have to others. Gifts need to be meaningful and not expensive. But don’t look at the cost if it is something that will truly make them smile.